Don't Lose Yourself
by fic-philic'chick
Summary: Stefan shuts off his emotions in his quest to defeat Klaus and gain revenge. Bonnie tries to convince him not to lose himself but when he doesn't listen can she be the one to bring him back? *Chapters 2 and 3 have been updated*
1. Don't Lose Yourself

**AN-Just a little one-shot that came to me after watching this week's promo. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: OH I don't own any characters unfortunately…but if I did this would really happen.**

Bonnie watched as Stefan kicked over the coffin in frustration. He growled and cursed and ran his hand through his hair. How very Damon-like she thought.

He knew she was there "Have you found a spell to open this thing yet?"

She shook her head but realized his back was still turned so he didn't see it "No. But you seem to have it figured out"

He was in front of her before she had a chance to blink "This is no time for jokes Bonnie"

She arched her brow "I disagree. A thousand year old hybrid is after us and were all going to die very painfully if we don't find a way to stop him. Not to mention you keep pissing him off by killing his hybrids. I think it's very funny" she bit sarcastically

After a staring match had ensued Stefan found himself sighing "Sorry. I know you're with me on this"

"Yeah, I am. Or have you forgotten the last two nights in a row I've been down here with you trying to figure this out. Unlike you I need sleep you know"

"How about Emily? Has she answered you?" he asked turning away from her to pick up the coffin. He couldn't stand the intense glare she was giving him anymore. It was like she was boring into his soul and would see what he kept from everyone else.

"I told you, she doesn't want to talk to me. Not after I saved Jeremy."

He turned to face her again "Try _harder_. The key to stopping Klaus may be inside this damn coffin and the witches obviously agree or else they wouldn't have helped us hide it here _or_ led you to it. _You_ have to find a way to open it Bonnie. I think you're the only one who can"

By the time he had finished speaking he was mere inches from her. She had no idea when he had crossed the small distance between them to invade her personal space and his eyes; they were so intense Bonnie had to force herself to keep looking into them.

"I'll do what I can Stefan. That's all I can give you right now" she managed to whisper

A staring match of a different kind started between them. He was lost in her eyes just as much as she was lost in his. Bonnie saw glimpses of the old Stefan every few seconds and then nothing. It was like he was fighting an internal battle with his own emotions switching them off every time they tried to turn back on.

All of a sudden without thinking she reached out, grabbed his hand in hers and closed her eyes. Stefan was so taken aback by the unexpected contact he could do nothing but stare at her in curiosity.

"What are you doing?" This is what he was afraid of. She looked right into his soul just now…_Why the hell did I look into her eyes again?_

Bonnie remained silent for a moment then she opened her eyes still holding his hand in hers "The first time I touched you I felt death and emptiness. But I knew there was more than that. When you saved me from the tomb you held onto me and you asked me to trust you. I did because I felt you; the good in you" she finished with a passion in her eyes that made his throat dry.

Stefan was silent as the images of that night she fell flashed through his mind. It seemed like a distant memory before but now he could remember her fear, could remember the way she tensed then relaxed when he held her and told her to trust him, could almost feel how good her body felt against his and in his arms…

He suddenly turned away from her removing his hand from her tiny grasp "That's not who I am anymore Bonnie"

She definitely agreed "No its not. But I know you still feel because I still feel that good in you. Even though you've been doing a pretty good job of pretending it's all completely gone."

"I have no choice." She was already weakening the wall he had put up was it really necessary to touch him again? Stefan closed his eyes when he felt her touch on his back. He had to regain control "Emotions make you _weak _and if I have any hope of killing Klaus I can't afford to feel."

He had stepped out of her reach again immediately missing the warmth her gentle hand generated. "If I have any hope of killing him, then I have to kill who I was. I have to become him" he finished darkly and Bonnie couldn't explain the sadness she felt when she heard that.

Damon had told her what Stefan said earlier "To beat the villain, you have to be the better villain" _But at what cost?!_ Her inner voice screamed at him,_ your soul?!_

Watching his back become rigid again she knew his wall was back up "Just…" she sighed trying to find the right words "Don't lose yourself Stefan. To hatred, to darkness, to _revenge_…most people don't come back from that."

"Why do you care?" he asked finally turning to face her

She smiled slightly "Because when this is all over, it would be _really_ nice to have Stefan back" With that she turned and left.

He had no idea why, but her eyes, her _touch_, they were enough to make his heart skip and stop all at the same time. Looking down at the hand she just held Stefan realized that while he was severing his emotional ties to everyone else he never thought about how Bonnie could affect him.

He didn't want to think about all the reasons why she did. Right now, he had a hybrid to kill.

**AN-Reviews welcome**


	2. What Friends Are For

**AN-So I decide to keep going with this. I just love the little Stefonnie scenes this season no matter how short (sigh) and decided to make a little something extra of them. I know I haven't updated my other story in a long time and if exams weren't around the corner that would be my top priority right now. You know when an idea comes you just have to get it down. Anyways, not sure where this journey is gonna take me but hopefully you guys enjoy it. This one happens after "The Ties That Bind"**

She was watching him again; this time from her place sitting on an old table in the old witch manor. He could feel her eyes scanning every inch of his body and he wondered briefly, when did he become so interesting?

"What?" he grunted looking at her with a raised brow.

The witch shrugged "You've been grasping your side for the last five minutes with a slightly pained look on your face. I'm just wondering when your going to ask me to help with whatever it is that's wrong"

Stefan subdued a groan as his fingers continued to roam his abdomen "It's nothing"

"Come on Stefan, what's wrong with you?" Bonnie asked again curiously.

"I think I have a splinter from when Jamie shot me" the vampire sighed and Bonnie couldn't help but chuckle in amusement at his pout

"Come here" she ushered with her hands and rolled her eyes "You men are such big babies". He hesitated for just a bit after her comment but walked over to stand in front of her nonetheless. Bonnie opened her legs to allow him to come closer and immediately raised his t-shirt like a nurse about to work.

She realized she should have mentally prepped herself first because the up-close and personal view of Stefan's perfect abs was more than a little mouth watering. Bonnie made sure to keep her face completely neutral though as she gently moved her fingers against his flesh in search of the tiny nuisance.

Stefan's face on the other hand wasn't so controlled. It had been a long time since someone had touched him with such tenderness and it made him painfully aware of the lack of a woman's touch he had lately. And Bonnie's touch was burning straight through his skin.

"I uh…I think its somewhere over here" he took hold of her hand and directed her to the spot making sure he avoided her gaze when she looked up at him. He didn't need her seeing right through him again. Not right now.

Bonnie continued to look closely at the flawless canvas of skin before her hoping she would find the darn thing soon so she could stop biting the inside of her cheek to keep from blushing. The witch had to choke down a "yes!" when she finally saw it. Her fingernails just weren't enough to get it out.

"If I jus had some tweezers or something…"Smiling to herself Bonnie locked eyes on the right spot and used just enough magic to get the splinter out.

"There, all better?" she asked looking up at him and this time his eyes locked fully with hers.

Stefan sighed in relief "Much. Thanks"

Maybe it was the fact that she couldn't remember the last time someone thanked her for anything or because she saw the old Stefan looking down at her but for whatever reason Bonnie found herself feeling warm on the inside.

Once again he got lost in her eyes…another staring match…another moment between them. Stefan shook his head and stepped away from her before the corner of his lip could complete its journey upwards. And just like that the moment was gone.

Bonnie forced a chuckle to ease the sudden silence "Soooo besides the splinter of emergency proportions you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine"

The witch continued to study him. She wasn't buying that "Stefan, it's been a long couple of days for all of us. And besides the fact that we lost 3 of the coffins to Klaus I know a splinter isn't the only reason for your mood. Thankfully Damon got the important coffin out in time" she said off-hand.

By the sudden grimace that flickered across Stefan's face at Damon's name Bonnie caught on to the reason he was so troubled. She sighed heavily

"She told you didn't she? About Damon, about the kiss"

Stefan only nodded ever so slightly not in the least bit surprised that Bonnie knew.

"And you did…?"

"Nothing." He completely her sentence "Except my fist had a very brief conversation with Damon's face" he said simply. The glint in his eye showing the small satisfaction he felt at that.

Bonnie had to stop herself from cheering at that one. It really rubbed her the wrong way how Damon not so tactfully told her the news. He deserved that punch; no if, ands, or buts.

"So you're not fine then"

Stefan shrugged "Why wouldn't I be? My brother is in love with the woman I love and history has repeated itself just as it always does. Who wouldn't be fine with that?"

If it had been anyone else and she didn't see his knuckles turning several shades whiter she might have let the subject go.

"Aren't you gonna yell, shout, act like you care?" she pushed a little more

"Well that would contradict me not caring wouldn't it? He widened his eyes and raised his brow. Again, very Damon like she thought.

"We both know you still do otherwise it wouldn't bother you" she said a little more forcefully this time.

The growl that rumbled from Stefan's chest let Bonnie know he was going to let her have it "Of course I care! I still _feel…_I feel everything! But anger is all I can allow myself to feel to be strong enough to stop Klaus. I _need_ it"

"Do you hear yourself? Yes anger can be good sometimes but _use_ the anger, don't let it use you. _That's_ how you get lost. Before you know it you'll be consumed by your revenge"

"How many times are you going to give me this speech Bonnie?" he asked exasperated with the conversation. Couldn't she see that Klaus needed to pay for what he's done?

"As many times as it takes for you to see that revenge isn't the way to go. Vengeance isn't Justice Stefan it's an emotional response. You're angry for what he's done, for taking your free will. I dislike Klaus just as much as the next guy but if we're going to take him out let it be for the greater good not a personal vendetta."

"It doesn't matter what reason we kill him for Klaus needs to die Bonnie. End of story"

Damn he's stubborn! "You know there is this saying that when you dig a hole for your enemies you should dig one for yourself. What do you think about that?"

"I kill him or I die trying" the vampire shrugged

"Clever. You keep holding on to that anger and you'll be turning that into hate and that's the perfect open door for losing your humanity. If you don't catch yourself soon you won't be able to later on"

His brow furrowed as he looked right at her "How would you know? You don't know the first thing about losing your humanity" the way he said it was almost accusing

That struck a nerve. Bonnie straightened her back and cast a serious glare at him "Do you have any idea how hard it was for me after Grams' death? That grief became anger faster than a speeding bullet"

She had to pause for a moment and take a deep breath before finishing what she had to say because she had never told anyone this. "I thought about killing Damon everyday that I was away. I thought about how I wanted it done, how I wanted him to suffer and I _almost_ let those thoughts consume me."

Stefan was held firmly in place by the intensity in her eyes. It was strange to think of Bonnie as anything but good even when she had almost left Damon to die. She always did the right thing. To think that she knew something about the darkness as he had made his mouth snap shut and his vampire ears tune in keenly to what she had to say.

"There was enough blame to go around I'll admit that but it was Damon's selfish desire that initiated everything and my Grams was a casualty"

Swallowing past the lump in her throat she continued "She was the most important person in my life and just like that she was gone. I was hurt but I was angry too and that anger surpassed everything else."

"You can imagine how eager I was to jump on the magnificent opportunity I was presented with to kill every vampire in a mile radius. It felt good to know that I could get some vengeance. Only, you stepped in and I didn't want to hurt you. So I allowed you to save your brother. Didn't mean I didn't still want him dead"

Bonnie and vengeance didn't belong in the same sentence "No. I know you hated Damon at that point but I don't believe that you would have killed him"

"Really Stefan? You believe that I'm that good?"

"I know you are"

She shook her head in the negative "You know when I found out Caroline was turned it didn't matter to me that Katherine was the one who killed her or that _I_ was the one who asked Damon to give her blood. I finally had the perfect excuse to release my anger on him and him alone. I lit his ass on fire and I wanted nothing more than to watch him burn"

Stefan continued to look into her eyes and flinched ever so slightly at the darkness he saw there.

"I gave in to my anger; I allowed it to spill out and control my actions. If it wasn't for you or Elena appealing to my better nature, make no mistake, I would have let Damon die or killed him myself. I was so angry I almost lost it"

"But you didn't"

"No. I didn't. Everyone thinks I'm always in control, sometimes too much, but I know the things I'm capable of when I let anger guide my actions. If I hadn't caught myself before it was too late then I would be no better than the vampires I despise; taking life just because I can."

Bonnie finally hopped off the table and walked up to Stefan holding his gaze intensely with her own "You can't always contain anger. It is a force strong enough to control even the strongest person. That's what anger does Stefan, it consumes you"

He had completely softened after hearing everything she said looking down at his feet before meeting her eyes again. He knew now that she understood battling inner demons "What do expect me to do Bonnie? How else am I supposed to defeat Klaus?"

The witch took a second before answering him "Right now I will agree your anger is good fuel to go against a monster like Klaus. He deserves all the wrath you can dish out. Though it isn't the only fuel you have. You have friends Stefan don't forget that."

"Why do you keep trying to save me?" he whispered down at her

She smiled slightly "I can't save you Stefan. Only you can do that. But that's what friends are for…they help you along the way"


	3. Good Company

**AN-This chapter is based on 3x13 "Bringing out the Dead". They never showed what happened when Bonnie and Abby woke up so here's my take. Enjoy!**

Dead leaves and fallen twigs were pressed into the forest floor by boots on a mission. Bonnie let her mind wander as she, Damon, Stefan and Abby walked to the caves from Stefan's car in silence. It was time to open that coffin and she and her mom were the only ones who could.

At the mouth of the cave Damon looked at the older witch pointedly "Today is your big debut Mama Bennett; you're gonna have to dig deep and resurrect those powers of yours" his eyes widened for effect the way they always did to which he earned himself a sharp glare.

"I already told you I can't guarantee I can be of any use"

"You put Michael away I'm sure your more than capable" Stefan muttered as he began to turn away

Bonnie looked at Stefan with a raised eyebrow, "You're leaving us here?"

Damon waved his hand in the air "The coffin is at the back of the cave where vampires can't go, you'll be fine. We have other things to take care of"

"Riiight. You removed Elijah's dagger. Because trusting him worked out so well last time" the witch said with a roll of her eyes. She didn't trust Elijah before he screwed them over she wasn't about to trust him now.

Both Salvatores ignored her jab and instead of a smart ass comment, Damon turned to his brother "Elena is with Ric right?"

Stefan nodded once in the affirmative "We don't need any surprises today when we meet with Klaus. Hopefully Alaric can make her stay put"

"She's promised to stay away today. I kinda let her know what was up" Bonnie said cautiously

Holding the bridge of his nose Stefan shook his head slightly to ignore his frustration "Why do you have to include her in on _everything_?"

Bonnie decided it was best she ignored his snapping tone. She had promised not to tell Elena anything from day one but she broke that promise. Stefan had every right to be pissed about that.

"You know how she is when she's not included. Elena will do what she does best; go snooping trying to find out what's going on and end up in the middle. I thought telling her was the safer choice"

"You better hope so. Find a way to open that damn coffin Bonnie, today" he gritted out before stomping off and leaving her and Abby at the mouth of the cave. Sparing a glance at both witches, Damon followed after him.

Bonnie was a little surprised at Stefan's tone with her. After their last encounter he had calmed down considerably and she thought he may be letting things go. She was obviously wrong about that.

Abby had one hand on her hip in annoyance "Is he always so aggressive?"

"No, he's just frustrated." Bonnie said with a sigh "Come on, we have a lot of work to do"

* * *

><p>Worried was the only word Stefan would dare use to describe how he felt when he saw Bonnie's body on the cave floor. It hit him in every direction.<p>

He knew she wasn't dead, had heard her heartbeat and light breathing from afar, but he was worried that something else was wrong with her.

For that reason he rushed to her side not caring that for the first time in a while he outwardly showed concern "Bonnie?" He even touched her for good measure "She's still breathing" Obviously Damon could hear her breathing as well but Stefan voiced the words aloud to calm himself down a bit.

"Yeah mama's still breathing. I can hear her from here"

Stefan barely spared a glance at Abby before focusing on Bonnie again "Bonnie" he nudged her slightly. The witch didn't even stir.

"She's out cold" his brother said dryly

"Alright, well we can't get to Abby so you stay here until she wakes up I'll carry Bonnie outside and get her some fresh air."

Damon rolled his eyes at his new babysitting duty "Great"

Stefan placed one arm under Bonnie's upper body and the other under her legs holding her up bridal style. He sped out of the caves and into the cool night air cradling her delicate form to his chest. Minutes passed and he continued to cradle her because for some reason, a reason the vampire couldn't figure out, he was reluctant to put her down.

_Wake up dammit…_

Stefan hated how vulnerable Bonnie seemed in her induced slumber. The power radiating from her always made it easy to forget that she was just seventeen. He always admired the strength she had and it unnerved him whenever she wasn't her normal self.

Minutes continued to pass and still no sign of movement. He wondered if he should have considered medical assistance but immediately dismissed the thought. Doctors were useless with anything supernatural. Finally, _thankfully_, she groaned slightly and her eyelids fluttered before opening.

"Stefan?" she asked in confusion

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I think so. What happened?"

"I was hoping you could tell me"

"All I remember is the coffin flying open and it's like I was hit with a wave of magic. Then I blacked out"

His brow furrowed as he thought about it; Klaus' mother was a witch. That would make perfect sense…she turned her family into vampires. Besides Michael she would be the only person Klaus would be truly afraid of.

"I think Klaus' mother was in there"

"The original witch? Great" just what they needed

"I guess it would be pointless to hope that she would help us"

"Yeah, um Stefan… I think you can put me down now"

Stefan felt that familiar yet unfamiliar heat rise to his cheeks in embarrassment. He had completely forgotten he was still holding her.

Setting her feet gently on the ground making sure she could stand on her own he cleared his throat "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Stefan I'm fine. Really"

He nodded glad that she was okay. On the inside though, he was pissed. His plan for revenge had not only fallen through his fingers but he had been half roasted in a fire place, still had to deal with Damon and Elena drama and Bonnie had been hurt after she succeeded in opening the coffin.

To say he regretted the way he spoke to her earlier would be an understatement.

"Alright, I'll take you home"

"Honestly Stefan I actually feel like walking home. I need the air"

"Then I'll walk you" he insisted "There are a bunch of originals walking around now. It's not safe"

"A bunch?" she asked with a furrowed brow

"I'll give you the details later"

They both turned when Abby and Damon emerged from the caves. "Abby" Bonnie walked up to her mother but she couldn't bring herself to hug her "You did it"

The woman smiled slightly "We did"

Stefan shoved his hands in his pockets missing the warmth he had just moments before "Damon do you mind driving Abby home? Or should I ask Abby do you mind driving home with Damon alone?"

"Ha ha very funny brother. What are you going to do? Run home?"

"Bonnie wants to walk, I'm walking with her"

Damon found that strange. Since when were Stefan and the little witch that close? Especially since he knew his brother had closed the door on his friendships. Maybe Bonnie was the exception he shrugged.

"What's the verdict mama Bennett?" he asked with an arch of his black eyebrow.

Abby looked over at the vampire and gave a slight shrug not fearing the vampire in the slightest. After all, she had taken down much stronger "I'll see you back at the house Bonnie"

"Okay. Be careful" she gave Damon a weary yet warning glare. Naturally he gave a wink in response.

When Damon and Abby disappeared into the trees Bonnie and Stefan started walking. They walked slowly in silence letting the sounds of nature and their footsteps envelope them. Ever so often Stefan would look over and wonder what Bonnie was thinking but he decided not to ask.

Out of everyone else he felt Bonnie deserved something more from him. She was always there when she was needed, she had an amazing forgiving capacity, hell she even saved his life more than once and never asked for anything in return. Most importantly she was the only one that he felt really knew and understood him.

Stefan decided that if there was anyone he would make the effort to be a friend to it would be her. Even if he didn't want to show emotion Bonnie could read him like a book so there was no point in hiding himself from her "Well this brings back memories doesn't it?"

Bonnie looked over at him knowing exactly what he was referring to. "That was some trek through the woods" she said after a minute remembering that night in full detail. Was Stefan really trying to have light conversation that had nothing to do with Klaus or Elena? This was…new.

"If I remember correctly you stumbled over a rock and I had to save you for the second time that night"

Bonnie's jaw dropped slightly as she scoffed "You didn't save me for a second time you _helped _me. Besides you're a vampire with excellent reflexes. Perfectly capable of manoeuvring over rocks and tree branches in the night"

An unexpected chuckle escaped Stefan's lips "And you're a witch who is one with nature what's your excuse?"

"I was out of it that night" she shrugged and took her eyes off the ground for a moment completely missing sight of the hole in front of her.

"Bonnie!" Stefan grabbed hold of her mid-fall and pulled her close to him

"What's your excuse this time?" he whispered down at her

"I was just hit with thousand year old magic remember?" she whispered back with a little smirk. There was a playful air surrounding them and it was nice to not have everything so tense and full of angst for once. Even if it wouldn't last longer than a moment.

"You're just full of excuses aren't you?" he smirked back

"Well you know if you would just speed us out of here I wouldn't have to make excuses for why I keep losing my balance"

"You're the one who said you wanted to walk"

"Touché Salvatore" she narrowed her eyes in mock contempt then quickly widened them when it dawned on her that she hadn't moved out of his embrace since he caught her "We should keep going" Bonnie cleared her throat and moved out of his arms

Stefan motioned with his arm "After you"

The rest of their walk had been filled with random conversation and light banter. By the time they had gotten to Sheila's house they had fallen into a comfortable silence. Bonnie decided she would head home later on; her Gram's house was always her first choice for peace and comfort.

Stefan shuffled his feet a little uncomfortably "I'm sorry I was a little harsh earlier. I know you've done everything you can to help me with Klaus and…I appreciate it" he said sincerely

'Uncaring' Stefan still managed to apologize and show appreciation for her hard work when no one else gave a rats ass. It made her smile on the inside. She wanted the old Stefan back because if she was honest she missed him as a friend. Maybe she could help bring him out "If I say you're forgiven will you join me for a drink?"

He blinked in surprise "What?"

"A drink. You know that other precious elixir. I've seen Damon sample his entire stock at the boarding house in one sitting so I know you know a thing or two about it. What do you say?"

He lost his voice for a second before answering "Sure"

Stefan wasn't sure what to make of the situation as he walked up the steps to Sheila's home. Bonnie wanted to share a drink with him, a _vampire_, in her grandmother's house and he couldn't for the life of him understand why.

It was only natural when Bonnie opened the door and stepped inside, his feet didn't move. She turned around to see Stefan still standing on the other side of the threshold with a curious gaze.

"Uh, you were already invited in here in case you've forgotten" she chuckled

"I haven't. I just wanna make sure you really want me in there after everything"

She knew what he was referring to. But Grams had been the one to invite him in and she wouldn't have done so if she didn't see something different in the young vampire.

"Grams always said this house was mine if anything happened to her. My friends are welcome to my house. I think of you as a friend…and you're welcome" she smiled as she stepped aside.

Stefan stepped in without hesitation after hearing that barely resisting the urge to smile back. She really considered him a friend after everything he, his brother and the rest of his kind had done to her. He just couldn't understand it.

He followed her into the kitchen and took a seat at the little table as she went to work to find them a pair of glasses and liquor. The witch started to hum and bob her head to the music in her mind as she placed two rocks glasses on the counter. Stefan continued to watch her as she bent down to search the lower cabinets.

As if yelling surprise Bonnie jumped up from under the counter "Aha! Now this is the good stuff" she grinned and unscrewed the cover of a bottle of Irish whiskey eagerly pouring into both glasses

"This isn't the Bonnie I'm used to"

"And what exactly is the Bonnie you're used to? The one always casting spells to save her friends and passing out when said spells become too much? I had some semblance of a life before I found out I was a witch you know" she said without looking up

"I know that. I guess it must seem like all we do is fight one battle after another"

Bonnie nodded in agreement "Normalcy went the out the window and never to return" she placed both their glasses down and sat in the chair facing him with a sigh

"That's partially my fault. If I never came back here Damon wouldn't have either. Maybe a lot of the things that happened wouldn't have"

"I won't disagree with you there but what about Klaus? He spent a thousand years looking for the doppelganger to break his curse do you really think he wouldn't have found Elena eventually? Hell she would be dead by now if you weren't here"

"I suppose" was all he said. He really had no desire to talk about Elena at the moment

Luckily Bonnie picked up on it "Anyways, what should we toast to? Things didn't exactly turn out the way we hoped" she winced once she said it. She was sure Stefan didn't want to be reminded of that fact.

He scoffed "That's an understatement. But before we toast I have to ask, why do you still consider me your friend?"

"Would you rather I treat you like an outcast or believe that you are a lost cause like everyone else does? They may have given up on you but I can't"

"Why?"

The witch looked into his eyes a little hesitantly "Because out of everyone it _is_ easier with you."

He recalled saying those words to her after saving her from the tomb. Things had been different then but Bonnie had always had an olive branch waiting for him no matter what rough patch they went through. She had a good and forgiving heart which made her a rare gem in a world full of shit. He was lucky she called him a friend and if he was wise he would stop questioning it and be grateful.

Stefan pursed his lips "How about we toast to good ole Irish Whiskey and…half decent company?" his eyes were playful

"I know you must be referring to yourself" she quirked an eyebrow

"Naturally" he replied with a slight smile.

"Fine. To good Irish whiskey and…to _good _company" she corrected with a smile

This time he smiled fully.

**AN-Reviews most welcome **


	4. Know You Better

**AN-Thanks again for all those who favourite and review. I can't tell you how good it feels to know your work is appreciated. It's been a while I know and I still have my other story to finish but I want to finish this one since I have a clear idea where I want to go with it now. This happens the night of the Original ball…enjoy.**

The universe was cruel. It played the most sadistic jokes and never held any punches. Any shred of joy and happiness was always plagued with darkness, sadness and regret. Something bad always followed.

Stefan's eyes never moved from the pair in front of him. The mischievous glint in the icy blue eyes of his brother, the shy yet playful smile on his ex-lover's lips…it made him sick. He always thought things happened because they did or because of the choices people made. But as he watched them, _stared_ at them, he found the reason for the sight before him was simple…the universe was cruel.

You don't choose who you love. Like breathing or blinking it just happens, you don't think about it. But why? _Why_ did his brother have to love the woman he loved?

Perhaps if it had been any other man Stefan wouldn't feel so…hurt. Yes, he was hurting. He could at least admit that to himself. Who wouldn't be? Watching the woman he loved more than anything fall for his brother hurt him.

And somewhere inside him felt betrayed. Technically Elena hadn't done anything to betray him but it was her heart that was the betrayer. She had fallen for his brother without even realizing it even though she had said her heart was his; had promised that she only loved him.

He wanted to be understanding and not pummel his brother's face in because it wasn't his brother's fault. He himself was a slave to Elena's love and knew all too well it was not something any man just walked away from. But he was still mentally in Ripper mode; still angry and still thirsty for blood. Stefan swore if Damon even looked at him sideways he would stake him in the gut.

Stefan needed to end this torture. The more he stared the worse he felt. Suddenly, calm swept over him when his mind switched focus to the other night with Bonnie. It had been the most relaxed and dare he say happy he had felt in months. They talked, laughed, bantered and they fell asleep on the floor of the kitchen, their backs to the kitchen island, whiskey bottles empty beside them and their heads resting on one another's.

As if by their own accord Stefan's fingers wrapped around the cell phone in his pocket pulling it out. He didn't have to dial her number; she was the last phone call he made.

"Hello?"

"It's Stefan"

The witch's soft chuckle came through the phone "I know I have you on caller id it's just a habit to say hello. Shouldn't you be enjoying yourself at a rather fancy ball right now?"

Stefan glanced around at the 'fancy' ball and sighed "I'm still here, unfortunately"

"Sounds like you're not having much fun" she said with a slight frown

"Well you know everyone thinks its fun to watch their brother and their ex dance"

Bonnie bit her lip "Ouch. Well try not to look" she said hopefully

"Kinda hard…they're in the middle of the dance floor"

"Well that sucks"

Stefan couldn't help but chuckle at the way she said it "It does. It would probably suck a lot less if you were here"

That made her smile "Really? Well you know it's not exactly classy for none VIP to crash the party"

"Considering the fact that Esther is walking around because of you I would say you are the MVP and you should be here"

The witch actually blushed. Half-ripper, yeah that's what she called him now since she considered him half way between ripper and old Stefan, made her feel appreciated or at the very least like she was more than just 'the witch'. It was more than she could say for some people, _who shall not be named_, and she was grateful.

"What are you up to?" he asked cutting into her thoughts

Bonnie glanced around to find something that wouldn't make herself sound completely lame. She was simply lying on her bed staring at the ceiling "You know doing nails, watching TV...shot of whiskey" she said playfully.

"Mmm drinking without me?"

She looked at her nails with a smirk "Well what would be the point of inviting you over? I drank you under the table last time"

His scoff made the smirk on her face grow because she knew what he would say next "You mean _you_ got drunk and _fell_ under the table"

Bonnie's laugh was so infectious he found himself laughing with her. In less than two minutes she had already put him in a good mood. For her to do that for him was a major accomplishment on her part.

"Okay, so I may have tipped a little too far to the left of my chair. But if you breathe a word of my not-so-graceful fall to the floor I will spin a very colourful story of what Stefan Salvatore is like when he's drunk and trust me, I'm very creative"

She was only being half serious and he laughed again as he pictured her folded arms and the serious pout she was sending through the phone. She laughed too.

"Well next time you save me a drink and I promise my lips are sealed. Anyway, I don't want to keep you any longer so-" But he really wanted to "-have a goodnight Bonnie"

"Y-yeah you too" she stammered a little as her laughter finally died down

When she heard the dial tone she sighed deeply already missing the conversation.

* * *

><p>"Okay someone better be dying because it is too early for witch assistance-" she stopped her ramble when her eyes locked with Stefan's, the intense look he was giving her stopped her words completely. "Rough night?" she finally asked though she already knew the answer.<p>

He looked at her intensely for just a moment longer before shrugging and looking away "It wasn't so bad; people trying to kill people…the usual"

"Should I ask?"

He gave a slight shake of his head "Maybe later. May I-?"

"Of course" she answered quickly. Stepping aside to let him in Bonnie became very aware that she was only in a tiny shirt and equally tiny shorts when the midnight breeze touched her skin.

Self-conscious was perfect to describe how she was feeling but she tried her best not to let it show. "Can I get you anything? Water, coffee?"

"No thanks. I uh-I'm sorry for busting in on you like this"

"Considering the night you seemed to have had its totally fine"

Bonnie nodded her head in the direction of the couch and sat down taking the opportunity to place a pillow in her lap.

Stefan followed suit and sighed as he sat down. He opened his mouth to say something but something he didn't expect to see caught his eye.

"You play video games?" he asked in disbelief as he switched his gaze to the PS3 on the entertainment stand.

Bonnie shrugged "Well you know I spend my summers with my dad's family who are the definition of normal and boring. My cousin had a PS3 and a whole wall of video games so I found a way to occupy my time playing with him. That's probably the most bonding I've ever had with any of my family. It was fun"

"So you what? Kidnapped your cousin's console?" he asked with a small smirk

She gave him a friendly punch to the shoulder "No. When I came back I decided to save up and buy my own console with a couple games so that when ever I had a normal, boring day I could have some fun. Of course this is Mystic Falls and there aren't many normal boring days. Plus it's not that fun when you play by yourself"

"The Bonnie I'm not used to can drink whiskey and play video games. I think I need to get to know this Bonnie better"

"Well, pick your poison" she said as she set her games down on the coffee table

"_You_ play Call of Duty? No freaking way" he said as he looked at her in amazement

"I'll have you know that I not only play COD-yes, I know what the guys call it-but I can _play_ COD"

"Well then I think I need to see this for myself"

They played for two hours straight. Stefan had to admit, for a girl, Bonnie was pretty good. She could playfully jeer him just as good as any guy could and she could take as good as she dished out.

Stefan took the controller out of her hands when her eyes closed slightly. It was time to get her back to bed.

"Alright let's get you upstairs"

"Mmm I'm fine"

When her eyes slipped shut again he shook his head "No your not. I'm taking you to bed"

Stefan picked her up gently and walked slowly up the stairs following her scent to her bedroom. Using his vampire strength he shifted Bonnie to one arm and used the other to pull back her covers.

When he put her down she stirred slightly and cracked her eyes to peek up at him. She was so sleepy she kissed him on his nose instead of his cheek "Goodnight Stefan"

He was stunned silent for a moment "Goodnight Bonnie"

He decided not to leave but stayed on the couch and fell asleep still feeling the tingle on his nose.


	5. Forgiveness

**AN- So I wanted to take a deep look into Abby's turning. No one really apologized it was just sort of swept under the rug and I think it's an important event in the Stefonnie friendship especially with him coming around. Here goes!**

The famous saying 'stuck between a rock and a hard place' never seemed more fitting. He couldn't do it. He just couldn't. Not after everything she had done for him.

"We are not hurting Bonnie"

Ice blue eyes narrowed seriously "We don't have a choice. Elena is gonna go 'bye bye' if we don't do something"

"There has to be another way and I don't care what it is. I'm not hurting her"

"You see, this is your problem Stefan. You're not willing to do what it takes to save a woman you claim to love"

A deep angry growl erupted from Stefan half a second before he shoved Damon into the nearby wall with both his hands wrapped around his neck. The wall cracked in the process and Damon choked against his brother's iron grip.

"Don't you dare undermine my love for her; I would do anything and everything to save her and I have. But Bonnie is _not_ gonna be the solution to this problem do you understand me?!" he even banged Damon's head into the wall when he said 'not' just to get his point across before letting him go

"Elijah said we have to sever the link between Esther and Bonnie's family. Then that's what we'll do…using Abby" Stefan finished

Damon had recovered from his brother's attack and furrowed his brow as he studied his brother carefully "So we take Abby? Okay, I can live with that. But assuming I believe you actually have the balls to go through with this then what? Even if we kill her Esther can still pull on her energy as a witch. It won't stop anything"

"That's why we have to turn her first. A witch can never be a hybrid; nature wouldn't allow it. If we turn her then the link will be destroyed."

It took another moment of studying his brother for Damon to speak again "Bonnie will hate us. Well she already hates me, but she'll hate you too"

Stefan looked over and stared into the fireplace "I know"

Damon gave a heavy sigh and rolled his eyes "Then I'll do it"

"What?"

"Look your friendship with Bonnie is obviously important to you. I imagine it will be on pretty shaky ground if you turn Abby yourself"

"Turning Abby is my idea she'll hate me anyway"

"Yeah but she can forgive you one day. I'm the bad guy. At least everyone expects me to be. Let me do this"

Stefan furrowed his brow but never moved his eyes from the fireplace "Why would you do that for me?"

"I'm your big brother; it's my job to take the fall for both of us." Damon shrugged

It was one of those rare moments when the younger Salvatore felt warm in his gut at his brother's words. He remembered all the times Damon had taken the fall for him when they were boys and made a mental note to find a way to pay him back this time "Alright, let's get this over with"

* * *

><p>"<em>They took Elena"<em>

_Bonnie's eyes went wide for a moment but she shook her head "I'm sorry I can't stop Esther. She's channelling us. Drawing power from my entire bloodline, dead and alive"_

"_Bonnie if you can't stop her, we have to find another way" Stefan heard himself say the words and he felt sick as he took a step closer to Bonnie. He knew she would hate him for what he and his brother were about to do but they had no other choice._

_The witch looked up at him quizzically until realization slowly crept up her spine "Stefan" she whispered incredulously. He wouldn't hurt her, he couldn't._

_Just then she heard Abby scream out. "Abby!" Stefan grabbed onto her just as she was about to run to the sound wrapping his arms around her midsection securely holding her in place. _

"_Stefan no you can't! Abby!" the witch broke down in his arms and he felt like the lowest piece of scum on the Earth. _

_She stopped struggling against him as the tears ran freely down her cheeks "How could you?" she asked in a broken voice_

"_I'm sorry"_

Stefan snapped himself out of the memory as soon as Bonnie's pain stricken face took hold in his mind.

The door to Sheila's opened after his second knock and he breathed in relief "Abby"

"Stefan. Would y-you like to come in? "

He knew Bonnie didn't want to see him right now "There's no need. I just came to see how you were holding up"

"It's hard. Everything is so amplified. I feel like a child walking outside for the first time…everything seems so big and scary yet you just want to reach out and touch everything. And the urges…I'm not sure I'm cut out for this"

Stefan nodded with just a hint of regret. This was his and Damon's doing. "I don't want to lie to you and tell you it will get easier because it's hard to fight those urges. But it's not impossible" after a moments pause "I'm sorry we did this to you"

Abby nodded "I have a feeling the person you really want to apologise to is Bonnie. You should come in and wait for her"

"Bonnie will probably set me on fire"

"Maybe, but if you don't apologize how can she know that you are even remorseful for your actions? As far as she is concerned she is expendable to you and your brother. If you really are sorry you need to make her see that she isn't"

He really wanted to let Bonnie know that wasn't true at all. He wanted to apologize but would she even hear it? Stefan decided he would at least try.

Stefan walked into Sheila's house as Abby stepped aside to let him in. As soon as she closed the door they both heard the sound of an engine as a car pulled into the driveway.

The vampire held a breath as the engine was turned off and he could hear Bonnie's light footsteps on the pavement. Abby went to open the door for her and the chocolate haired beauty smiled sadly at her mother as she came in.

As soon as her eyes met his wind in the house picked up like the beginnings of a tornado but Abby rushed forward to stop it before it could get any worse.

"Bonnie no. Stefan came by to check on me"

Bonnie could only roll her tired eyes. She was already livid but she calmed the wind. _How dare he?_ "Check on you? He's the reason your like this!"

"Okay, you know what I'm gonna go and let you two talk this out. He also came here to make things right Bonnie. Hear him out"

Bonnie closed her eyes at her mother's words and opened them once the front door clicked shut. She was doing her best not to start a fire in her grandmother's kitchen.

"What do you want Stefan?"

"I came here to apologize"

"Apologize? Apologize for what exactly? Trying to kill me, or for killing my mother?"

"She's not dead-" he began

"Don't bullshit me Stefan she's dead! She's a vampire! What's the difference?!"

"You still have her"

Stefan should have anticipated the punch to the face. After all it was Bonnie; a simple bitch slap was beneath her.

In her mind Bonnie knew what he said was true. Grams was gone forever but she still had Abby. She just couldn't get past the fact that yet again everyone else's life was forfeit if it meant protecting Elena.

Sure, once upon a time Bonnie would have also done anything to protect the brunette. She was her best friend, of course she would. But she had come to see her life as equally important and being a martyr was no longer such an easy choice. Bonnie wanted to live yet no one seemed to care about her life.

All the lives that she had done so much to protect would end hers with little to no hesitation. And that made her fists clench at her sides in anger.

She knew Damon held no qualms about such things but _Stefan, _as his friendshe believed that he would have wanted to protect her as well as Elena even though he was not the same Stefan she knew. She had seen and _felt_ the old him in there and knew he still cared. Had she been wrong?

No matter what bull he wanted to feed her if it had come down to a choice between her and Elena she would have been the one killed. For whatever reason, it cut her deep to the core that her life meant less to him than Elena's did.

"What would you have done if Abby never came back huh? If I was the only option what would you have done? Let Elena die? Of course not because my life compared to hers is as insignificant as a pebble" she chuckled humourlessly

"It's not like that Bonnie. You have so much life to live and I could never take that away from you. And I wouldn't let Damon either that's why we chose Abby."

"Oh your so full of it Stefan you have masterfully avoided answering my question. I asked you what you would have done if Abby wasn't a choice?!" her anger was flowing she didn't even try to hold it back

Stefan's eyes fell to his feet "I don't know. I love Elena…I couldn't let her die"

"Finally some honesty! Translation…you would have killed me"

He finally forced himself to look at her though the guilt in his eyes betrayed the rest of his features "It doesn't matter what _would have_ happened if you were the only option you weren't. We had Abby and we could protect you as well as Elena"

"Protecting me was the last thing on your mind. What you and Damon did was make a tactical decision. See my mother was basically useless without her powers so turning her wasn't a loss. But if you had turned me not only would Elena be pissed at you both but then who would be there to clean up your messes? Who would solve all of your problems?"

He shook his head hoping to convince her "That's not true Bonnie you're much more than that."

"Really?! Since when?! Tell me Stefan, when was the last time any of you picked up the phone and called me to just say 'hi Bonnie how you doing?' If you didn't need me to open those stupid coffins do you really expect me to believe you would have called me up?"

Silence filled the space. Stefan realized this anger wasn't just coming from everything that happened with Abby. It was all the crap Bonnie had swallowed down over the last year finally bubbling to the surface and he was going to get the full brunt of it.

"That's what I thought. Now you've turned my mother into the very thing I despise for what? To save the knock off version of Katherine"

"Elena is your friend she's not the one who deserves your anger, I am. And despite her flaws and the fact that she is a vampire Abby is and will always be your mother"

"Well you're right Stefan; she is my mother so I will learn to live with this the same way I did for Caroline. As for Elena, she is so wrapped up in her love triangle with you and Damon she doesn't even know which way is up anymore. I swear the only thing that chick is good for is getting herself kidnapped. "

Well even he had to admit she had a point. Elena was like a magnet for kidnapping and death threats while the rest of them did everything they could to protect her. And why did they anyway? Was she so special that it was okay for so many people to die to save her? The lives of many for one? In what world did that make sense?

Bonnie for one was tired of it "And you know the worst part is you never came to me with this. We could have figured something else out, another way-"

"There was no time" he cut in

"How would you know? You never tried" she whispered angrily

Again she was right. He simply hadn't thought everything through at the time. On one hand he wanted to save Elena and on the other he wanted to save Bonnie. Those were the only things that mattered to him but convincing her of that would prove to be harder than he thought.

"Why are you even here Stefan? What do you want from me? Because if it's a 'thank you' you're looking for you and Damon can go find it in hell." She spat as she walked closer to him

_Ouch_. The vampire found himself whispering "I want your forgiveness"

Bonnie laughed coldly "Forgiveness? Why does a vampire who doesn't care want my forgiveness? And in any case how can I forgive you when you would sacrifice me so easily to save _her? _My life is every bit as important as hers!" she yelled in his face

"You don't think I know that!" he yelled back "That's why I did this, that's why I turned Abby, to save you!" by now his hands were gripping her arms and shaking her slightly to get her to see. He _needed_ her to see "I did it to save you!"

"You may have saved me Stefan but you still hurt me" she whispered and suddenly all the tension that was in his shoulders melted away and he stood staring at her dumbfounded as his hands fell to his sides "Its always the people closest to you that hurt you the most" Bonnie looked away as the tears she had held back fell freely now.

All her anger had finally evaporated into thin air and she was left feeling extremely tired. As much as she fought not to believe Stefan the truth had been in his eyes. He hadn't wanted to hurt her; he was just weak for Elena. He always had been.

"I need time to get over this Stefan."

Stefan could only nod not knowing what to say or if there was anything more to say. He slowly made his way to the front door but stopped when his hand grabbed the knob "I really am sorry Bonnie." with that, he left.

Bonnie closed her eyes at the sound of the door closing "I know" she whispered to the empty house.


	6. It's a Start

**Chapter 6**

**AN-First off I want to thank everyone who took the time to leave a review. No matter how short or long I appreciate them all ****. Oh can't forget the followers and the ones who favorite as well, thank you! Now this is an interim chapter for me, just leading up to the other half of my story and it's pretty much looking at Stefan's guilt and Bonnie wanting to forgive him but not quite there yet. Hope you guys enjoy!**

Stefan watched his reflection in the mirror as he took a deep breath. Slowly he allowed all the emotions he had subdued to hit him full blast and in each emotion he saw Bonnie's hurt face. He felt like shit and rightly so. But it was a good thing he decided. The knowledge of how he'd hurt Bonnie, the guilt, shook him completely out of his vengeance.

He was angry at himself for what his actions had caused. Bonnie's mother had her life taken from her, Esther had tried to kill her own children and in doing so would have killed every vampire on the planet. Of course they hadn't known it at the time but if it hadn't been for Bonnie unbinding the original family and had they actually succeeded in killing Klaus they all would have died.

'When you dig a hole for your enemies you should dig one for yourself' she had told him. Truer words had never been spoken.

Knowing that she had been right all along just added to the guilt he felt for how he'd hurt her. She was always there for them and not once had any of them, himself included, been there for her.

Stefan realized with a heavier pang of guilt that she had saved _him_ in more ways than one. Bonnie had reminded him of what it felt like to laugh, to have fun, to just kick back and have a drink with a friend. Because of her he had found himself before it was too late.

He didn't want to lose that. He didn't want to lose her friendship or her. With that resolve Stefan decided to check up on the witch.

It wasn't the first time he jumped in his car and casually drove to Bonnie's house to get a glimpse of her. He wanted to give her time but also wanted to keep an eye on her. The one time he hadn't passed by she had been kidnapped by one of Klaus' hybrids. _All the more reason to get rid of the bastard_ he thought bitterly.

Though his intentions were pure, the vampire had to check the definition of stalking more than once to make sure he wasn't being a creeper. Alas, his actions could be deemed just that. He accepted it.

In no time at all Stefan was pulling up across the street to Bonnie's house and he spotted her right through the kitchen window. She seemed to have a shadow over her features. With the help of his vampire sight he was sure he also saw bags under her eyes. He only hoped he could help lift that shadow and that she would let him.

That was going to be hard he realized considering he hadn't been the best friend to her. _"It's always the people closest to you that hurt you the most."_ Those words were going to haunt him he cursed to himself.

Stefan glanced at his radio when a familiar song started playing. 'The Reason' by Hoobastank had been a favorite of his and he couldn't help but think it described how he felt about Bonnie.

I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with everyday…

I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you

As the chorus came through the speakers Stefan's lips formed a smirk and he couldn't help but glance back at Bonnie through the kitchen window. The smirk vanished of course when their eyes connected.

His back straightened when she disappeared from the window, opened the front door and marched straight up to his car. At first, the witch looked upset but as he braced himself for an attack her features relaxed and she looked pleasant "You've been stopping by and watching me every other day for a couple weeks now. If I didn't know better I would say you were stalking me"

Stefan released the air he had been holding and asked the obvious "You knew I was here all this time?"

"Stefan, I can spot you from a mile away. And you haven't exactly been subtle the last few days" she said gesturing to his car.

He quickly turned off his engine and got out to face her awkwardly "Sorry about that. I really just wanted to make sure you were okay. Especially after Klaus took you"

She pursed her lips "You could have called"

"I didn't think you would answer" he said sheepishly leaning back on his car and stuffing his hands in his pockets

Bonnie decided to join him and mimicked his position on the car "Maybe I wouldn't have. But after what happened with Klaus I would have welcomed it"

"Still shook up?"

"Surprisingly not in the way you think. I wanted to help Damon when I first saw him which was instinct. But a few choice words from Klaus and out of nowhere I wanted nothing more than to help cause him pain. That intense feeling was what shook me up"

Stefan looked at her silently in understanding and let her continue "I'm not gonna lie Stefan after Abby's turning and how everything happened I'm pretty close to my limit with all of this"

"No one could blame you"

"I'm sure someone would find a way. I'm Bonnie the witch; I don't have the luxury of limits. I'm just supposed to fix the mess and save everyone with spells. Like it's that easy? Every spell has a cost; some more than others" her words ended in a dark tone.

Stefan looked out at nothing in particular not wanting to stare at her. He had seen the 'cost' more than a few times and it wasn't something he wanted to witness too often.

"I don't blame you" he said firmly looking at her now with everything he was feeling filling his eyes "You do so much for all of us and you ask for nothing in return. I admire you for not hitting that limit sooner"

Dammit she thought. Once again Stefan stood out from the crowd and recognized her contributions. Even if he was guilty of abusing her powers from time to time he was still the only one she felt appreciated her. She wanted so badly to say all was forgiven but she couldn't make it that easy for him. Not yet at least.

"Well I almost did once remember, after Grams. I'm trying not to be as angry as I was then but I have every right to be"

"Again, can't argue with you there"

"Will you argue with me when I say that a large part of my anger is directed towards Damon?"

He didn't expect it but he felt a pang of guilt hit him hard in the gut at her question "Because he was the one to turn Abby?"

"No. Because Damon is selfish. He would burn this entire town to the ground for Elena in the hopes of getting even a slight chance with her"

"And you think I'm any different?" he asked looking at her

Bonnie pursed her lips in thought "Yes and no. I know you would do anything to save her but I also know you at least stop and think about everyone else as well. Damon on the other hand just runs with the motto 'Save Elena, screw everyone else"

Stefan chuckled slightly at that but he felt he had to tell the whole truth before he could take any step in the right direction with her "In his defense it was my idea to turn Abby and Damon-well he offered to do it" he said carefully "He acknowledged how important your friendship is to me and he said if I had done it you wouldn't be able to forgive me. Truth is I'm guilty either way"

Bonnie took in his words and made sure to run it over in her mind before responding "Damon took that fall for you?" at Stefan's nod she eventually shrugged "Well besides Elena you _are_ the only other person that Damon would make sacrifices for. And you're right, you are just as guilty."

Stefan sighed deeply "I know. I am so sorry" Bonnie could have sworn his eyes were doing a puppy dog thing and boy were they effective "I just wanted to say Thank you, for _everything_. I know none of us have acknowledged everything you've done. I'm sorry for that because the truth is we wouldn't have gotten this far without you. If you didn't unbind the Originals we'd all be dead"

_Just another day saving the world_ "I don't really deserve the credit. I didn't even know I was saving anyone besides Jeremy and Abby"

"Doesn't matter. We're the luckiest bastards on the planet right now because we have you. I was so hell bent on taking Klaus down I never stopped to think of the consequences. Thankfully I had you. You let me see that revenge isn't worth losing yourself over"

It took her a moment to reply. She was trying very hard not to cave in but the look in his eyes when he said he was thankful he had _her_, well that softened her up. Just a bit. "Well I'm glad Stefan. It's good to have you back"

"It's good to be back" he smirked hoping to get even a tiny smile in return

Bonnie ducked her head instead not wanting him to see that her resolve to stay mad at him had weakened considerably "Listen, I better get inside and get ready for the dance"

"Okay yeah sure. I guess I'll see you there" he said hopefully

"Yeah sure" she said as she started walking away but stopped mid step to face him "You know just because we kicked back and had a little chat doesn't mean all is forgiven?"

He would be foolish to think so "I know"

"But it's a start" she winked turning on her heel and leaving him there

He could have sworn he finally saw a smile on her face and it gave him some hope. Maybe he hadn't lost her friendship after all.

* * *

><p>How did it get to this point? It had been only a week or so and it was like the world had gone upside down. Alaric had been turned into a psycho, super bad-ass vampire, thanks to Bonnie and very dangerous magic Klaus had been desiccated, the Council knew all about them, Matt was critical and there were now two doppelganger vampires.<p>

Bonnie had told him she was close to her limit with all the sacrifices and vampire messes. Stefan was sure telling her the latest news would be the last straw. He hoped he was wrong…

**AN-So I'm not too happy with this one, have re-written maybe 3 or 4 times but if I didn't post now I would keep you keep you guys waiting even longer. Please, feel free to review.**


	7. I'm Done

**Chapter 7**

**AN-Thanks so much for the reviews, favourites and followers! You guys make it worth it. This picks up after the season 3 finale, following the plot point of Bonnie turning her back on the spirits but of course my take. Chapter 8 is around the corner. Enjoy!**

_How did it get to this point? It had been only a week or so and it was like the world had gone upside down. Alaric had been turned into a psycho, super badass vampire, thanks to Bonnie and very dangerous magic Klaus had been desiccated, the Council knew all about them, Matt was critical and there were now two doppelganger vampires._

_Bonnie had told him she was close to her limit with all the sacrifices and vampire messes. Stefan was sure telling her the latest news would be the last straw. He hoped he was wrong…_

She was done. No more spirits, no more taking orders to do a spell; Bonnie was going to be her own witch now. If her latest move was any indication she was on the path to becoming a witch no one should mess with. Hell, she impressed Klaus!

With that little feat in mind Bonnie straightened her spine as she took hold of the boarding house doorknob. She knew her friends well; she wouldn't be getting an outright thank you for saving their lives. Not right away at least.

As soon as she walked in all eyes landed on her. A few steps later she was greeted by Damon "I'm going to bet a million that you're the reason we're all still here"

And there it was "Is there a thank you in there somewhere?" she replied sharply

"Of course there is but first I think we all have a right to know what it was you did exactly. I'm sure whatever it was we're gonna pay for it later"

Stefan stood up immediately wishing he could force his brother's foot down his throat "Damon" he said in warning "Now is not the time to be an ass"

Luckily for Damon Bonnie expected this response and decided she would let it go "Its okay Stefan, being an ass is apart of Damon's charm"

Damon of course smirked "Thank you" he said with a bow of his head

The witch rolled her eyes before continuing "But he isn't wrong. Someone is paying for your lives right now"

"Who is?" Stefan asked immediately. He hoped it wasn't her.

"Tyler"

Caroline of course was the first to react "What?"

Bonnie took a breath and cast an empathetic glance in her friend's direction "I put Klaus in Tyler's body. Tyler and I agreed something drastic needed to be done to save everyone. There was no stopping Ric so saving Klaus was our only option. When it's safe I'll return Klaus to his own body"

"Will Tyler be okay?" Caroline asked

"Of course Care, I made sure of it. Unfortunately when Klaus goes back in his body he won't be dessicated anymore. I doubt we'll get another chance to do it again since he'll be expecting it."

"Oh that's just great!" Damon exclaimed sarcastically

_That ungrateful son-of-a-_ "You're welcome Damon. Tyler and I did what we did to save the people we care about. You should be grateful that you're all a packaged deal otherwise _you _Damon would definitely be dead" she glared in his direction and he glared right back.

Stefan saw this as the perfect moment to tell Bonnie what had happened and stop this argument before it got worse. This wasn't going to be pretty either way.

"Elena would be dead too"

Bonnie's brow furrowed instantly and she glanced at the girl in question "What are you talking about?"

"When Elena was in the hospital Dr. Fell gave her the blood Damon donated to save her life." He started but she didn't really see what that had to do with anything "So?"

"Rebekah made Matt and Elena's car crash off the bridge tonight. Matt is in the hospital and Elena died-" he swallowed against the bitterness of those words before continuing "-Damon's blood hadn't left her system"

Stefan watched as the colour drained from Bonnie's face and he voiced the words he knew she was now expecting "Elena is a vampire. By saving Klaus you also saved her; the transition wouldn't have been possible otherwise because of the link to Damon"

Silence filled the space as Bonnie digested the news. Her teary eyes landed on Elena but still she said nothing.

"Bonnie-say something" Elena finally spoke. She knew her friend would take the news hard but she was hoping she could get past it like she did with Caroline.

"Is Matt going to be okay?"

"He was in bad shape at first but Meredith gave him some blood he'll be fine. He's just there for observation"

Stefan wished Elena would have left that out. Bonnie closed her eyes briefly "I'm glad you're still with us" was all she could say. The witch walked out only sparing a glance at Stefan.

"Bonnie wait" Elena made a move to stop her but Caroline held her back "Bonnie will come around she just needs time"

Stefan however went against his better judgement and followed after her. The look he had seen in her eyes confirmed his fear; she had finally reached her breaking point.

He tried calling out for her to stop "Bonnie wait a second"

The more he called her name to get her to stop walking the more she hurried her steps to get away from him. He had to speed in front of her to block her path. She was surprisingly quick "Bonnie wait."

"What Stefan?" she asked in an exasperated breath.

"I know this isn't the news you wanted to hear. But you're her best friend, she needs you right now"

As his words repeated in her mind the levees holding back her emotions finally crumbled and everything that they had been through in the last couple years hit her like a freight train. Unfortunately for Stefan he was about to be on the receiving end of the flood yet again.

"Needs me for what? A day walking ring?! Or to hold her hand and tell her everything is going to be okay once she learns to curb her thirst? That's yours and Damon's job. As for the ring…there are plenty of witches who can help you" she tried to move around him but he grabbed her arm gently.

"I know your upset-"

Bonnie wrenched her arm from his grasp "Upset? No, try tired. I'm tired of all the vampire shit that I've stepped in over the last two years! Do you realize that **everything **we've done, all the plans, all the sacrifices, all the lives that have been forever changed, was to save Elena?" she asked him as more tears filled her eyes

He opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off before he could say a word "Don't you dare say otherwise because you know it's true. You killed Vicky to save Elena remember that? Matt lost the one family he had left because you had to save the love of your life. Matt himself almost died tonight Stefan. Why? Because he was in the car with her"

Bonnie took an angry breath before continuing "Jenna died twice because of her! First when she was turned and then again when Klaus staked her through the heart. Jenna was family to me too and it hurt like hell when she died"

"Come on Bonnie you can't put that on her" he tried to reason

"I can't?! Klaus chose Jenna as a sacrifice just for being _related_ to Elena. And John; the one good thing that man did was give his life to save his daughter only for her to become the one thing he hated. He must be turning in his grave."

She shook her head in amazement at the situation "Let's not forget about my mother who had her neck snapped like a twig to save Elena. I mean half this town has lost so much and sacrificed so much to save her and in the end she died anyway. How fucked up is that?!"

She was yelling now. Stefan could see Damon, Caroline and Elena at the doorway just beyond her shoulder. They had heard her surely and by the pained look on Elena's face Bonnie's words were hitting home.

"Now she's a vampire and do you know what that means? All the lives that were taken were for nothing! Vicky, Jenna and John died for nothing! Caroline and my mother had their lives taken for nothing Stefan!"

By this time the witch had tears streaming down her face and Stefan looked to his feet because he really didn't have anything to say. When the truth hits you there's not much else to do but take it in.

"You know when Elena was saved from the crash that killed her parents I was so happy to have my sister back. But knowing what I know now, I realize she should have died in that crash"

The words were harsh and he only hoped Elena didn't hear them "You can't mean that"

Her voice went down to a whisper then "Yes I do and deep down you know I'm right. She was meant to die and because you changed fate other people had to die in her place. Well I'm not going be the next casualty." She said raising her voice again "From now on Bonnie Bennett only cares about Bonnie Bennett. I am done with all of this" she gritted out.

Bonnie walked around him and this time he didn't stop her. She hopped in her car and drove off without saying another word. No one realized she had left town until three days later when Stefan went to check on her.

The rest of the gang had collectively thought the young witch just needed some time to herself, that in a couple weeks she would be back fighting the good fight like always. As usual they had taken her for granted. Stefan knew better. He only cursed himself for not checking on her sooner.

Everyone had tried to contact her, even Damon, but her phone was definitely off and no one knew where she would go. Stefan checked with all the family he had a contact for but no one had seen her.

The vampire quickly realized that a witch that didn't want to be found wasn't going to be. "Where are you Bonnie?" he asked his empty room.

* * *

><p>"You must be Bonnie Bennett. Atticus Shane, pleasure to meet you" the young professor held out his hand and smiled warmly when Bonnie took it.<p>

"Nice to meet you professor"

"Please, call me Shane." He chuckled offering her a seat "I was a huge fan of your grandmothers. I know a lot of the students admired her too. She was something special"

"She was. Teaching was very important to her."

"So were you"

Bonnie looked away at that moment not sure if she could keep her emotions from reflecting in her eyes. Lord knows she was currently in emotional turmoil.

Shane tilted his head as he studied her and he didn't flinch when the young girl caught him practically boring a hole into the side of her face. He did however apologize "Forgive me for staring its just-you're not the girl in the picture"

Bonnie furrowed her brow in confusion "Excuse me?"

"Sheila always had a picture of you. The girl in the picture screamed innocent beauty. But you, you have an edge now. Still a beauty, but your aura is darker"

She mentally kicked herself for the blush that graced her cheeks when he called her a beauty "Well when you've seen and been through the things I have your aura would be darker too."

Shane considered his next words with pursed lips "Like magic things?"

Bonnie went on immediate alert her features becoming deadly and the professor raised his hands in surrender "No need to go on the defensive. I knew Sheila was a witch. My wife was one as well"

That calmed her down somewhat but she was still weary of a stranger knowing her secret. He lowered his hands when he felt she wouldn't react "I had come across a few old texts about witches with your family name and my wife gave me the facts. I eventually figured out your grandmother was apart of that same family and that she too must be a witch"

It was her turn to study the professor. He didn't seem to be lying. "Did she ever tell you the truth?"

Her question made him smile "Yes, after I introduced her to my wife. You see Bonnie I've always admired witches even before I knew they really existed. I respect them, especially members of your family. I mean the Bennett bloodline is the most powerful. It's truly amazing what your family has accomplished"

Boy was he Mr. Smooth she thought. Bonnie's face became solemn as she stood up and walked to the office window "Powerful yes, but bound to the same rules like everyone else."

He didn't miss a beat "The rules of nature you mean?"

Bonnie only nodded. She turned to face him when he came up beside her "Its not that I don't understand my duty as a servant of nature I just hate being told what I can and cannot do. I'm done with that." She shook her head as if to shake her thoughts "I don't even know why I'm telling you this…a couple weeks ago I tapped into black magic, for a good reason of course, and it was like pure freedom; euphoric almost. It was hard to let go of that feeling"

He studied her intensely again. He saw that far away stare and he knew he had the perfect witch. His prayers were finally being answered "Do you want to feel that way again?"

She snapped out of her daze quickly "What? No, I can't. Black magic isn't something to mess with"

"I wasn't talking about black magic. My wife was like you. She hated being bound to rules so she found a way around it." He fought the smirk as he watched her curious eyes find his "I can teach you how if you want"

"Really? You would do that?"

"I would. Look Bonnie I hate to see wasted potential and as I told you I have the greatest respect for Bennett witches. It would be my honor" he even placed a hand to his chest for effect.

Her desire to break free of the spirits and others using her magic as they pleased was great but she didn't want to be free of that just to get swept up into something else "I just came here to be closer to my grams and learn more about her"

The professor wouldn't give up so easily "I'm sure you did. But you also came _here_ instead of elsewhere looking for something but your not quite sure what that is" his gaze was hypnotic "Maybe I can help. If you let me"

Bonnie found herself staring into Shane's eyes unable to move for some reason. She didn't know anything about this guy. Why the hell was she even having this conversation with him? She didn't have the answer but she couldn't seem to say no.

"Alright"

* * *

><p>Damon walked into the boarding house to find his brother staring at a map of Virginia with the deepest worry lines set in his features.<p>

"Still worrying over Judgy?"

"Yes I am." He didn't even look at him "I don't think she's left the state I just have no idea where she could be"

"I'm sure she's fine." He said in his characteristic Damon way as he went and poured himself a glass of bourbon.

"If you really believed that then why were you trying to call her again just this morning?"

Stefan looked up from the map and stared his brother down until he was rolling his crystal blue eyes "Alright, so maybe I am a tiny bit worried. But _not_ because I care" he made sure to stress "If Klaus decides to come after us for dessicating him we're gonna need her" the elder vampire shrugged

"There you go again. You know Bonnie isn't just some secret weapon you can whip out whenever you need her. That's the kind of attitude that chased her away in the first place"

"Oh please, we didn't chase her away. She was emotional. Granted, she still put Klaus back in his body before skipping town which I take as proof that she can't ignore her duties even if she wanted to. She'll be back" Damon said with a wink.

"You really think so? You heard her Damon she's done"

"If its one thing I know about Judgy is that she is loyal to a fault. Do you really think if any one of her friends is in danger she won't be running back here?"

Stefan mulled over his brother words before speaking "I think everyone reaches a point when they've had enough. Bonnie is at that point"

Damon knew his brother was right. Hell if he was gonna admit it he thought as he sighed into his drink. "Where are you going?" he asked watching his brother leave the room.

"I need to think" _I need to find Bonnie_


	8. We All Agree

**Chapter 8**

**AN- Major Apologies folks, this chapter is a whole 2 weeks later than I planned thanks to a lovely case of writer's block that hasn't hit me in a long time. I'm sure some of you know what its like to stare at a blinking cursor for hours at a time. Once again I'm sorry guys. I love getting reviews though, that's what helped me to write actually so thanks to everyone for the feedback. On a side note, am I the only one mad that AS USUAL Bonnie suffers painfully and it's just the first episode…writers couldn't give her one break? Not one? Anyway, hope you Enjoy!**

"_Where are you going?"_

"_I need to think"_

Think Salvatore think.

Forcing his brain to work didn't seem to be doing him any good. Couldn't his stupid brain understand that this was important? He was worried about his friend and the only way his mind would be at ease is if he heard her voice, _not likely_, or saw for himself that she was in one piece.

Stefan decided he wouldn't try to convince her to come back. Replaying everything she said he knew that would be pointless at least until he could convince her that things would be different. Besides, Bonnie needed as much time as it took to focus on herself and he wouldn't get in the way of that; just as long as she was okay.

The young vampire took a breath to relax his mind allowing thoughts of whiskey and late night video games to fill his mind. Once the familiar calm washed over him he was ready to try again "Alright, let's lay this out." he said aloud as the gears turned in his head "I've already checked with all the family I could get in touch with but none of them have seen or heard from Bonnie"

Stefan paced his room with the deepest frown as he realized something "Which was pointless since she isn't really close to her father's family." He stopped mid pace "And since most of her mother's family is dead they wouldn't be much help either"

Frustrated hands ran through already ruffled hair "This is a small town; _someone_ had to have seen her leave." He thought looking about his room as if the answer was somehow lying in plain sight.

The group had all come together at the boarding house after Bonnie's exit. Matt, wearing his guilt like a winter jacket, had agreed to help Elena turn. _Poor guy _Stefan thought. Everyone else he could think of that was usually up and about that time of night could be accounted for in some place or the other.

"That leaves…" he trailed off as the answer smacked him in the face "Of course"

"Having fun talking to yourself?" came the sound of Damon's amused voice from the doorway

Stefan's eyes cut to his brother annoyed to be disturbed in the middle of a breakthrough "Can I help you?"

"I came to see how your search for Judgy was going. Although it seems your journey to crazy land is going much better"

"Funny. So you came to see how my search for Bonnie is going huh? Did Klaus come knocking?" he asked mockingly

Damon made a face "No."

Stefan looked at his brother expectantly when he said nothing else "Well?"

He rolled his eyes in response "Look, I'm only going to say this once, I'm not going to repeat it and you better not either" it took another roll of his crystal blue eyes and a shake of his head before he continued "You were right okay?" Stefan just waited for him to elaborate "We did chase our witch out of town. Not appreciating everything she's done over and over well, that had to leave a 'we don't care' taste in her mouth."

Naturally Stefan's brow furrowed in confusion "We? Since when do _you_ care about Bonnie?"

"You know me. I'm not into the whole Oprah hold hands crap. It's not that I don't care I'm just a self absorbed asshole who hates getting in touch with feelings." He was interrupted briefly by Stefan's loud scoff "_Anyway_, the point is the only way we can convince her to come back is if we convince her that things will be different. Considering all the shit we've pulled, that won't be cake"

Not only did Damon just admit Stefan was right, he admitted he did in fact care about Bonnie and he understood what it would take to get her back. What. The. Hell? "_Wow_. Those words must have tasted bitter coming out of your mouth. Too bad Bonnie wasn't here to hear all that"

Damon's finger was pointed at his brother to let him know he was serious "She will never hear those words because like I told you, I'm not going to repeat myself. I have a reputation to protect. Now, you've been 'thinking' for a while now. What have you got so far?"

"Well it just hit me that Bonnie put Klaus back in his body before she left which makes both him and Tyler the last ones to see her. One of them might know where she is"

"Wolf boy wouldn't have been able to keep a secret like that from Blondie. Klaus is your best bet"

Stefan nodded in agreement picking up his keys and cell phone "Then let's go ask him"

"You go. I have the Council to deal with. If their going to make a move it'll be soon"

"What happened to your very strange change of character just now? I thought you wanted to help me find Bonnie."

"That hasn't changed. But you were the one who was buddy buddy with Klaus not long ago you'll have a better chance of getting him to talk" the elder shrugged "Besides handling the Council has always been my job"

A slow smile appeared on Stefan's face "Oh I get it. You're afraid to face him"

"Damon Salvatore is afraid of nothing." He gritted out

"Uh huh. I'll see you later scaredy-cat" Stefan winked at his brother.

Of course when he was facing the door to Klaus' mansion he had to admit he was a little nervous himself. Klaus could kill him just like that. He wasn't afraid to die but he did want to live long enough to see Bonnie again.

"Well well, someone has a death wish" was Klaus' greeting. To Stefan's surprise he stepped aside and let him in "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"You were the last person to see Bonnie before she left. You wouldn't happen to know where she is?"

Klaus was all smiles as he sat down "Even if I did know why would I tell you? You may be the only one in that lot that the witch still considers a friend but she didn't tell you where she was going so why should I?"

"I just want to know she's okay" Stefan said seriously

The smile on Klaus' face grew larger "Has your Ripper heart grown fonder in her absence? What will Elena think?"

"This has _nothing_ to do with Elena. Do you know where Bonnie is or don't you? Is she okay?"

The tone of Stefan's voice had the hybrid sitting back and observing him. Perhaps his previous question was not as off base as he thought "Bonnie Bennett dessicated me and transferred my soul into Tyler's body and back. Not to mention she's one of the only people who has ever come close to killing me. Wherever she is I'm sure she's just fine."

Klaus had a point. It wasn't like Bonnie couldn't take care of herself he knew that. Maybe he should consider letting her come back on her own and accept that she was 'just fine' in the meantime.

"Since you seem so concerned though, I'll throw you a bone. I may have given my assistance in finding her a place to stay outside of Mystic Falls" he held up his hand to stop Stefan from speaking "But I wont tell you where"

The young vampire was confused as ever "Why are you helping her? Not long ago she was your enemy"

"She still is, but I've come to admire her. Standing up and saying 'no more' to the Elena charm along with her other accomplishments…believe me there are very few that have earned my admiration but you have to admit she deserves it."

Stefan nodded slightly understanding Klaus' motive "Thanks for the help" he mumbled and turned to leave only to be stopped in his tracks by Klaus' voice.

"I will say this, if you wish to find her don't be too concerned where she lays her head for the night but rather where she spends her days" the hybrid gave one of his famous smirks and walked up his grand staircase leaving Stefan to show himself out.

He left the mansion in deep thought wondering what Klaus meant about how Bonnie spent her days. Unfortunately the black SUV following him didn't even register on his radar.

* * *

><p>It was funny; when he came too from his vervain induced slumber the first thing on his mind was what Klaus had said to him earlier. Bonnie was his friend, she was hurting and pissed as hell and naturally he was worried about her.<p>

But as he thought more about it he could admit that he missed her more with each day that she was gone. He wouldn't exactly describe it as his heart growing fonder but he did miss her.

Surrounded by hay in a dirty cattle cell he thinks back to when he first enlisted her to take down Klaus; how she penetrated his defenses with simple touches and mesmerizing eyes. At the time he didn't want to think of why she was able to do that, his focus had been on Klaus. But now, possibly about to die, he couldn't think of a better time.

Why not his brother? He knew him better than most. Better question why not Elena? She was the great love of his life right? So why is it that she hadn't been able to get through to him in his dark days? Stefan let his eyes travel to the wall of wood separating him and her. Maybe it was because Elena didn't really know him, at least not when he wasn't in love with her.

She knew him as her protector, her lover, as someone struggling with inner demons, as a brother. But with Bonnie he was just Stefan. Stefan-the one most never met-loved to laugh, to drink with friends, enjoyed doing something crazy every now and then. With all his sins weighing him down over the years he had lost that but with Bonnie, even in the state he was in, he had found that part of himself again.

She was like Lexie in that regard; able to pull him back from the clutches of darkness and remind him of who he was. But she wasn't Lexie, she was Bonnie Bennett. Her effect on him is different, stronger. If he's really about to go without seeing her again he decides to replay his favorite memories with her.

The first is when he woke up next to her on her Grams' kitchen floor after a night of drinking and laughter. Not only had he actually slept but he woke up rested. Who wouldn't after waking up to the scent of nature and her warmth that seemed to wrap around him? His thoughts are immediately pulled to the night they played video games; the night she kissed him on his nose when he tucked her in. It was innocent, but left an imprint on him that causes him to smile despite his current situation.

Elena chooses that moment to tell him she was on the bridge the night she died because she chose him. His body goes still for a moment but her words don't move him as he expected them to and he knows why. It's time to face the music he realizes so he makes a statement that he is sure she doesn't expect.

"But you didn't just choose me, you chose everyone else as well"

"What?" he hears the crack in her voice and knows it's his words not the vervain that are responsible.

Now it's a question "If it had just been between me and Damon, no friends, no brother, who would you have chosen?"

"Stefan I don't-"

"After everything we've been through I think you can give me the truth. Think about it long and hard. What would your choice have been?"

Silence meets his ears and he doesn't need another minute of it to make his decision "That's what I thought. I-love you Elena, with my very being, but even the greatest loves come to an end. I love you enough to let you go…and be with Damon"

His vampire hearing picks up the subtle drop of tears on the ground "I don't understand"

"I'm also doing this for me. It hurts trying to fight this, you and him. So I'm not going to fight it anymore. I'm letting go…for me"

He didn't need to look up to know both Caroline's and Rebekah's eyes were fixed on him in disbelief. Elena's breakdown in the adjacent cell almost pulls him in, almost.

"You know I love you right?" she asks through her sobs

He whispers knowing she can hear "I know"

This would be a very suckish way to die, too melodramatic as his brother would say, and he's glad he decides to act on one of the guards at the very moment Damon and Klaus come busting in to the rescue. Klaus' only concern is Caroline of course much to Rebekah's chagrin and Damon runs to Elena who still hasn't shaken out of her emotional state. That leaves Matt to ask if he's alright after informing them that the good Pastor Young must have escaped.

As he watches Elena get consoled by his brother he shakes it off and gives Matt a small smile "I'll be fine".

* * *

><p>Bonnie cricked her neck as she relaxed her stance. She was in the middle of another lesson with Professor Shane and he was as always smooth talking her along the path he paved.<p>

"Magic is a wonderful thing. But, like everything else in life magic is governed by rules. The beauty of expression is there are no rules. There are few spells that are required but mostly it is your will; your will be done." He said in an epic voice that made him sound like a narrator for some biblical event. "You imagine it, you want it and it will happen. Now I believe you're ready to graduate from the basics so its time to try what you've learned on me"

Was this guy crazy? "No, I can't do that."

"Why not? I trust you" he shrugged with confidence

Her eyes moved to the broken chair in his office "Did you see what I did to that chair?"

"Bonnie you are a quick study I know you can control this power and not kill me" he chuckled and she couldn't help but do the same "So-" he stretched his arms wide "-do your worst. I trust you"

"Okay, but you asked for it"

Bonnie bit her lip thinking of how to unleash her magic on the professor. In seconds his right arm twisted at a painful angle above his head and she watched, with a little excitement, as his face turned red.

Her next victim was his left kidney which contracted with the motion of her fingers. "Ow!" he grunted out barely able to keep himself standing. She couldn't deny she was enjoying this, having a life in her hands.

"Alright why don't we- take a-a break and start again?" Shane said through gritted teeth. His pain voice seemed to get through to her.

"Sorry!" she released her hold on him and winced at the visible relief on the professor's face. "I am so sorry" "It's okay" He waved it off while hunching over and excused himself from the room leaving her to her thoughts on what she just did.

It was unbelievable how much more power she had gained in such a short time. With each passing day she felt more powerful, unstoppable and most importantly free. _This kind of power can get to your head _a little voice warned.

Yeah yeah Bonnie thought but couldn't deny the truth in those words. What if this was dangerous? Was there some fine-print rule she was breaking? She didn't feel bad using expression so there couldn't be anything wrong, right?

She decided the sweet smell of her raspberry lemonade lip gloss would be enough to put her mind at peace for now. Walking over to the chair where her bag rested she began searching for it only to freeze when her fingers grasped her cell phone. Bonnie pulled it out slowly wondering why on earth she still kept it in her bag. She hadn't turned it on since she left so it wasn't like she was using it.

_There must be a ton of messages_ the earlier voice said.

_But you have no interest in hearing them_ said another. _It's probably a bunch of babble begging you to go back._ Once the battle of her inner voices started, her eyes began staring at the device with contempt. The second voice was probably right but still, a part of her was curious.

She turned the phone on and listened intently to the chorus of messages asking if she was alright and where she was. There was a message of apology from Caroline saying she was sorry for not thanking her and that she was grateful she saved Tyler and all of them. Elena sounded like a frightened puss saying she was sorry, that hoped she would come back and that they could move on from the past. _Yeah right_

Stefan had left the most messages; there was at least one for everyday she was gone. He never asked her to come back, he knew better, just told her to be safe and that when she was ready he hoped she would let him know how she was.

A sigh escaped her lips. If she wanted to talk to anyone it would be him, at least to ease his worries, but a part of her was a little mad at him. In the midst of her blowout he still managed to defend Elena somehow. For that reason he was gonna be punished like everyone else for a little while.

The most recent message was from Damon and a frown immediately graced her lips as it played "Judgy I know your having a 'find myself crisis' and I get it but we're in the middle of our own crisis right now. The Council has Caroline, Elena _and_ Stefan. I don't know how much time they've got but we need you. Now get your witchy butt back h-"

Bonnie ended the recording with a heavy sigh and closed her eyes to hold back tears. She stiffened her back when she heard Shane re-enter the room.

"I think I'll be seeing blood in the toilet for a while but I think I'll live" he joked but she didn't respond "What's wrong?"

Taking a deep breath she calmed herself "My friends are in trouble." She told him opening her eyes not caring if he saw them glistening "Not that I'm surprised"

"What are you gonna do?"

Bonnie turned her phone off and threw it back in her bag "Nothing"

"Nothing?" at the nod of her head he smiled "Not to say I'm not impressed but it's only been two weeks since you left them. That much love couldn't have left the building in such a short time."

"It's not that I don't want to help, every part of me wants to. But I won't, not this time. Anyway the message is a day old. As hard as it is I have to trust that Damon figured it out without me"

The moment of truth "Are you truly ready to turn your back on them?

"Most people don't know what they have until it's gone. They need to learn that I won't always be there just because they need me to be." Bonnie swallowed past the lump in her throat and stretched her muscles "Now, where were we?"

She was too wrapped in her thoughts to notice Shane's evil grin.

* * *

><p>A vampire walking through the woods was a pretty natural occurrence in a supernatural town. After all, it was the perfect hunting ground for all vampires, vegetarian and carnivorous alike. But this vampire wasn't hunting for food. This hunt was different. He was looking for a friend.<p>

She had been gone a few months now, not a word. All their efforts to find her had been a huge failure and he had considered giving up. But for some reason, after months of searching, he believed that he would finally find her.

The witch manor came into view through the trees and an unexpected rise of goose bumps on his skin gave him pause. Funny, he wasn't aware a vampire's skin could still get prickled by goose bumps. He followed his feet nonetheless walking across the clearing, up the old steps, through the corridors and down to the basement room drawn by the same invisible force that led him to the house in the first place.

He wondered briefly why he hadn't been assaulted with aneurisms the moment he stepped into the old house but all thought left him when he walked through the basement door.

She was standing right there, in the center of the room, with her back facing him as still as a rock.

"Bonnie?" he called out but got no answer. The slight tilt of her head gave him the impression that the name seemed to sound strange to her; something wasn't right.

For a moment he thought she was just going to stand there but the witch slowly turned her head and the rest of her body followed. Her eyes were black as night and her skin was covered in black veins.

"Bonnie?"

Stefan's eyes opened suddenly and he realized with a sigh of relief that he was lying in his bed. It was a dream.

"You have to save her Stefan" he jumped at the voice. It was Sheila, standing over him with a life or death look in her eyes "You have to save her before she's lost forever"

He blinked and she was gone. He didn't need to be told twice. Stefan sped out of bed and into his clothes. He wasted no time calling everyone to meet him ASAP. Making sure to stress that it was about Bonnie got the whole gang there in less than ten minutes.

Stefan wasted no time as everyone sat down "Bonnie is in trouble"

"What's wrong?" "Is she okay?" "Did you hear from her?" were the series of questions that hit him at once. He decided to answer the last one.

"No I didn't hear from her but…I saw Sheila. She told me I had to save Bonnie."

Jeremy and Matt asked in unison "From what?"

"I don't know but she wouldn't have crossed the veil like that if it wasn't serious"

They all shared looks. It was disconcerting to think the one person they always turned to for help was the one who needed it.

Caroline was of course the first to point out "We don't even know where she is. And I think I speak for the rest of us when I say we can forget Damon's theory that Bonnie would come running back when she heard we were in trouble. Obviously that's not going to happen"

"She's pissed worse than I thought" Damon said in his own defense

"Ya think?" Caroline scowled in his direction eliciting a growl from him in response

Stefan stepped forward to stop an argument before it started "Turns out none of you know Bonnie as well as you thought. Sure you guys were all tied at the hip growing up but none of you know the person Bonnie has become; what her deepest thoughts are, what makes her laugh, what she likes or doesn't like."

"And you do?" it was the second time Elena had opened her mouth since being there. She was still crushed by everything Bonnie had said and Stefan was sure she felt worse with him pointing out her shortcomings as a friend.

Naturally Jeremy tried to placate his sister "Truth is we're all guilty of the same thing. The moment Bonnie became 'the witch' that's all we saw her as. Especially when shit hit the fan"

"That's not true" was Caroline's objection but with 'Oh really?' looks from Stefan, Matt, Jeremy and Tyler along with shamed looks from Elena and Damon Caroline frowned deeply "Okay so maybe it is true. We get self absorbed from time to time but that doesn't mean we don't care."

"Actions speak louder than words Caroline. It's time for us to act. We have to save her from whatever it is we need to save her from and at the same time show her that we care about her beyond her abilities as a witch" Stefan declared not noticing his brother's fidgeting across from him.

"Dammit!" Damon exclaimed rising from his seat to go pour himself another scotch. He sighed "That last part might be tricky now"

Stefan furrowed his brow "Why?" he was met with a dead on stare "What did you do Damon?"

"When you, Elena and Blondie got captured…I gave the witch a little call"

Stefan's eyes widened "You didn't-"

"I did. And I might have-sort of-ordered her to get her witchy butt back here."

"What the hell did you do that for Damon?!"

"It was a reflex, sue me! I told you I'm no good at this Oprah shit"

"You're just no good period" Caroline snapped at him and he sped in front of her ready to respond "How many times do we have to go over this, I'm an ass Caroline! But tell me something, if you're so good how come Bonnie hasn't returned your phone calls huh? _Maybe_ it's because she's just as pissed at you as she is with the rest of us. So why don't get off that high horse Blondie"

"You son of a-"

"Just stop! Both of you!" Elena screamed and all eyes fell on her "How is this going to help Bonnie? If she is trouble we don't have time to argue about who screwed up more, we all screwed up! The only thing that's important is getting her back safely" she finished with tears in her eyes.

Matt finally stood up to speak "Elena's right. Bonnie is what's important here. So what we need to do is find her. Then find a way to keep her safe. Question is where do we start?"

Stefan had a theory "Something Klaus said had me thinking. We all let Bonnie down in showing that we appreciate her but one person that never failed to do that was Sheila. It makes sense that she would go somewhere where she would be closest to her"

Tyler finally chipped in with questions of his own "Where would that be? Besides Sheila's house and graveside?"

"Whitmore College. It's where Sheila taught Occult for many years. I'm willing to bet that she's there; it's far enough away from Mystic Falls but still close to her Grams"

Caroline was calm again "What's the plan?" the question was directed at Stefan

"We go to Whitmore and we don't come back without her"

"She's not going to want our help. She may not even know she needs it yet" Tyler pointed out.

"Doesn't matter, we hang around whether she likes it or not." Stefan said with finality looking at each of them "We all agree, whatever it takes...we save her, we appreciate her, we do _not_ lose her." It was all the plan they needed.

Heads nodded in succession "Agreed."


End file.
